The Date - The Pilgrimage - May 2024

The Date. 

I love my wife. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Like many of you, we still like to go on dates. Well, they qualify as dates in our book, anyway. Sometimes, we have Menards and Lowes dates. Walk around the mall dates. Walk down the road date to look at the creek. Exercise dates. 

We enjoy dates that probably do not qualify as actual dates as described in Wikipedia or Merrill's Dictionary.

Sometimes, we go to restaurants for a nice dinner. But to be totally transparent, we would rather go to two medium-priced restaurants than one really lovely gig. It's just how we roll.

In college, we were financially challenged. One of our first dates was going to the original Star Wars movie (I can see you doin’ the math in your head right now). I bought her a massive tub of popcorn. It was the size of a 50-gallon drum. Extra butter, baby. Tried to impress her right out of the gate. Pretty much spent all the money I had in my savings account on that date. But it worked. She thought I was loaded…

Dunkin' Donuts dates were pretty popular. Cheap, but we could sit there all night and suck down a couple of filled doughnuts, hold hands, and dream together. She never complained. Great lady, that Barb.

But our most memorable date so far took place in a church parking lot. 

First Missionary Church in Fort Wayne, Indiana was right across from our college campus. Some big event was taking place on campus, so we were forced to park there. My first car was a 1966 Comet. It had a bench seat with an automatic transmission-- meaning she could sit right beside me-- hip-to-hip. Yes, it was dark. No, we were not making out. I knew I better clarify that bit of info for ya. 

While we were not making out, I wasn't dead either. I had a pulse. And I had a strong desire to put my right arm around my girlfriend’s shoulder. You know what I mean. Heart racing. Sweaty palms. I knew it was time to make my move. Go time. I wanted to show her that I cared. Contemplating…waiting for the right time. Five, four, three, two, one. I go for it. My elbow abruptly meets her nose. Whop! My bony elbow bludgeons her cute, adorable nose. 

The rest is a bit of a blur. I remember her saying, “Ouch!” And then there was blood. Lots of it. I just gave my girlfriend a bloody nose. Nice.

There's only one thing that makes this story even worse. I did the exact same thing a month or so later. Flexibility has never been one of my strengths. So yes, when I go to put my arm around her-- even today-- she has an involuntary reflex response of shrinking back and putting her hands up for self-protection. Who can blame her? I imagine, to casual observers, it probably looks like I am an abuser...

So, what’s today’s takeaway—other than don’t punch your girlfriend in the nose? 

Never. Stop. Dating. If you said, “I DO” while standing on an altar in some church, then it’s part of the unwritten contract. It’s an expected part of the whole marriage gig. Are you feeling distant from your spouse and you don’t wanna go on a date? I appreciate that. I genuinly recommend that you both go see a counselor. He doesn’t want to go? Go by yourself. (To the counselor, I mean. Don't go on a date by yourself. That would be weird). She doesn’t want to go? Go by yourself. Why would you live with a mediocre marriage? This is your year to do something about it. See your pastor. Talk to a friend. Pray like crazy.

Are you talking about divorce? I highly encourage you to reconsider throwing that word around lightly. I understand why couples do it. We’re trying to let the other person know we’re serious. We’re not messing around anymore. It gives the person using the D-word all the power. It can be a control move. If you really do have grounds for divorce, that’s another thing. But don't use the word as a weapon; that’s not cool. 

Sorry to get all heavy on you. I just felt I needed to go there for a bit.

Dating your spouse is not magical. You must plan it. Be intentional. Put them on the calendar. Prioritize them. Your kids can stay home. Get a sitter, even if you have been telling yourself that you can’t afford it. I promise they won’t perish if you’re gone for a couple of hours. It will probably be good for them-- and it will be great for your relationship with your spouse.

I would love to hear about your best date. Even more, I would love to hear about your worst date! 

A final word of advice for you, gentleman. When you go to make your move—and I hope you do--- make sure you have stretched out earlier in the day so that your olecranon doesn’t strike her in the rhinal area. Just sayin’. 

For extra credit, reread 1 Corinthians 13. Just the first part. Have a pen in your hand. Underline as needed.

To respond to any Pilgrimage devotional, you can email me directly at matt@forgottenchildren.org

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